Much of my day-to-day life is centered on making sure my family is okay. Hours of thinking go into worrying about what they need, and do they have it. If not, how can I get it to them as soon as possible.
It’s how love works, right?
Love for those close to us, but what about love for the self?
Sometimes, it seems easier to love others than it does to love one self. Yet, self-appreciation and love are not only important to our well-being but an important part of developing healthy relationships with others.
Who wants to be around someone who forgets to love themselves? Yet, even though I realize how important self-love is, I’m guilty.
I forget to let things slide sometimes and don’t drive myself crazy. I forget to get more sleep. Or to just lie on the bed and do absolutely nothing, but stare at the ceiling if that’s what my heart desires at that particular moment.
I forget to spend more time pampering myself, doing that facial mask I’ve always wanted to do — you know the one with avocado and egg white and olive oil, and antioxidants, and all those wonderful, relaxing things mixed together.
I forget to push against negative opinions. To avoid perfectionism. To reach out.
I forget to focus on things I like about myself, and keep working toward my goals. I forget to be my own biggest cheerleader and work toward overcoming obstacles instead of calling myself names when I make mistakes. To embrace myself literally and figuratively, because … why not?
To love others as they need and deserve to be loved, we need to love and inspire and motivate ourselves. First.
Those are the things I need to work on. What about you?
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Images: pixabay, dosti-sblog
Silvia Writes 
Putting others first is the bad habit of a lifetime, but by the time you can really put yourself first, you are used to not doing so. How come women get this message preached to them so much more often than men? And we internalize it – because small helpless humans need at least one consistent parent. It is a conundrum how to effect balance and not feel guilty or selfish.
But I’ve sort of done that. Now that we’re choosing between retirement communities, I put my statement down for the more expensive one because it has better facilities – and I think will prove more intellectually stimulating for BOTH of us. I was prepared to fight for the choice, but I guess I made it more appealing, and we’re going.
Glad to hear, Alicia. We win any way we can, making it appealing or fighting hard. Yes, the bad habit of a lifetime. Maturity brings more awareness. I’m working on it, and need constant reminders. Thank you for visiting and the comment.
Maturity is daunting. And they expect it of us. Hehe.
Yes, sometimes saying “no” to others in order to take care of myself is a TOUGH order! Then I lay awake at night beating myself up. I forget about the good things that I have done, but remember my mistakes. Recently, I read my friend, Dianne Gardner’s book, DYLAN. I absolutely LOVED It as Dylan has to accept himself for who he is as the person who loved him died. I connect SO strongly with this story, but learning to love myself is a toughie… but why is it so hard??? I love lots of people and care about people, but why not me… too many messages from the past. I NEED a white board eraser!!! ;-) Great Post, Silvia!!
Exactly Gwynn, ‘why not me?’ We have to fight for number one in order to stay sane.
Guilty! I’m way too neglectful of myself. Thanks for the wake-up call.
My pleasure, Martha.
Your post speaks to many women. Of course, when we have children they need us, and when they’re babies, there needs do come first. But, that doesn’t mean that we put ourselves last ALL the time. We can ask for help, and accept it. We can also say, “No.” I told my son that I felt badly about not supporting a local artist. He said, “You’d like to support them, but you have your own things.” Right. I need to claim my time, and give MYSELF support! Great post, Sylvia. Now, go get that awesome facial!
One of the first things my pediatrician said after my son was born was ‘ask for help.’ Too many times we forget. So, yeah, let’s claim out time, fight for it, whatever it takes. Thanks Mary. Hey, I did the egg while and honey facial, finally, didn’t have the other ingredients in the house. Felt great. :)
Yup, ditto, me too, you’re singing my song.
Any or all of the above apply, Silvia. The negatives of taking care of others to the exclusion of oneself are so apparent when reading about someone else. I want to come to your place and mix up that facial for you and tell you to lie down and drift while it works. For goodness sake – even in an article about the importance of self-care, the habit of caring for others is so ingrained.
What we can do though is exactly what you are doing. Bring the problem to our awareness. Then take baby steps in the right direction and watch how your family DOESN’T fall apart when let something slide or spend 15 more minutes in bed.
Thank you, Karen. You know what, you’re right on regarding awareness. Once I typed it here and hit post, it was almost as if I had made a contract with myself, and had to follow through. I did do a version of that facial, and said, screw it, taking some time, let’s see what happens. And the world did not come to a stop. :) Thank you for the lovely words of encouragement.
Hi Silvia – not having kids I still put others first … my mother used to say you do too much – but that’s the way it is sometimes … I do say No and now-a-days realise where I’m at. Love Yourself First … yes we all need to do that – then others will appreciate us too … cheers Hilary
Your mother was right, Hilary. We’re working machines that simply need to unplug. Thank you.
Great post Silvia thanks. I reckon we’re hard wired to care for others though too often we forget to care for ourselves as well. It’s the small things that make the difference though, like taking time out just for one’s own self …
I figured if I say it here, I’ll force myself to do it, Susan. It worked a little.
Thank you.
and now that you have recognised it Silvia and reminded all of us who also recognise it there is no excuse left is there ? it is a pattern and patterns we can modify we can tinker with we can even make new ones . so lets get about it – I see that I am in excellent company for this work, interestingly I wrote today on values and the need for women to learn to value themselves more . I have an avocado so I will do it – a facial – well that will be a first for me..
Yes, we are all in great company — the self-neglecting type. I did unplug over the weekend. Glad to hear you’re going to put that avocado to great use. It’s going to feel great. One baby step at the time. Thank you.
A very profound post, Sylvia, what I have come to expect from your pen! I spent so much time on my kids, husband, pets for such a long time – my work was the one place where I could do something for myself and it gave me a real sense of accomplishment…along with the fact my kids turned into relatively good human beings. We women do tend to neglect ourselves – hopefully you are not doing that now!
I totally agree with you
Wow
❤❤❤ we forget about ourselves all the time!!!
Great post, Silvia. For some reason my blog is not working, and after working on it for days, I’m thinking of starting over from scratch. Not loving myself today. :-( But I’ll get there.