Being Human Is Hard and Constant Work


Blogging is another form of therapy.  I’ve no clue who, if anyone, said that, but it sounds good. How did I ever make it all those years without running something by you, dear blogging friend?

So, here is the deal.

How often have you wanted to do the right thing but were unable to?

Sure, there are external forces preventing this:  1.  The traffic jam last week when the highway patrol closed part of the freeway to get a biker off safely.   2.  Getting home only to realize I forgot to buy a friend’s birthday gift, and no way was I going in that mayhem again.  3.  Calling my husband to see if he’d stop, but the call went to voice-mail.  He loves blasting the music in his car, tuning out the world.  I should have known.

So, that little problem — my husband enjoying his music at levels that would blow my eardrums to smithereens — was enough to infuriate me. The biker on the freeway, the traffic jam, my forgetting to buy the gift, all became his fault.  If only he’d lowered the volume, he would have heard the phone, stopped for the gift, saved me some time. And sanity. 

Yes, the external forces push us to the brink, but I didn’t have to blow a fuse.  Should have resisted the impulse.  I didn’t have to let the inner forces act and prevent me from being my sweet self.

When M.J. Joachim — a blogger many of you probably know — sent an invitation to join Effectively Human, “a community for people striving to make the world a better place by being effectively human in a variety of ways,” I though: wow, how timely.  Even better, one of the categories deals with family and relationships. Great inspiration for this post.

Being human — which many times is being good to others — is not always easy when the outside forces influence the inner good. Any lesson, any reminder to get over myself and look at what really matters, is appreciated.  Thanks, M.J.

~~~ How do you fight the outside, negative forces?



22 responses to “Being Human Is Hard and Constant Work

  1. Dearest Silvia:

    Usually, I am very good at ignoring external forces, and maintaining my even keel. That said, I am a stay-at-home mom, and do not encounter the pressures you cited. But, something happened last week which left my husband and me stunned. I lit into him. I mean REALLY lit into him. It had been a concern brewing for some time. His health and apparent irresponsibility with it. I won’t go into the particulars, but there was an external motivator for this outburst. My step grandfather has bad diabetes, and refuses to eat responsibly and exercise. His condition has deteriorated to the point of imminent death. We saw him last weekend, and in anticipation of this visit, my threshold for my husband’s perceived irresponsibility was very low. So, we fought more fiercely than we have since completing couple’s counseling some years ago. It was resolved by day’s end, but, man, was I ashamed of myself. I did not treat my husband respectfully. I treated him worse than I’d treat my worst enemy. Sometimes when we are afraid for the welfare of our loved ones, we can do this, or, at least, I can. So, I understand your dilemma, and say to you, we all behave less than admirably sometimes. Our loved ones know this, and love us anyway, as we love them when they do this. I wish you peace and forgiveness.


  2. I am VERY slowly learning to take responsibility for MY actions or inaction. Pointing the finger at me first is hard to do, but I’m learning that I can’t simply blame my husband for all of my problems. Being passive is a hard habit to break… BUT … YOU CAN DO IT!!!! I’m cheering for you!! ;-)

  3. That one is hard when you’re all in the stress of it all. It’s easier when you can take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember that it is better to be kind than to be right. And that everything happens for a reason. It may be an annoying, bad timing, crazy reason, but there’s a reason.

  4. Taking the external forces as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ is upto us. Yes, there are times when some forces disturb our normal day, at times making us depressed. But i’d always say that our internal positive should overcome them and should be the winner for any day. Our life is what we make it :)
    Good Post.

  5. Hi Silvia – we all get caught up in the frustrations of life and some manage to put their irritations or worse to one side, or to mentally say they can’t be affected by ‘that’ …. I try desperately to err on not opening my mouth – the sensible way of reacting … Have a peaceful weekend – a good lesson you’ve given us … Hilary

  6. Such a timely post, Silvia, as I had my own little episode of wanting to blame Hub for an accumulation of frustrations that weren’t his fault! You did a very good job of building your story and showing how we tend to dump it on the last person to enter the picture. Fortunately I recognized I was about to turn on him and I was able to stop myself – I guess even this late in life we can change habits if we are mindful.

    Congratulations on being invited to join Effectively Human. You will be a valuable cintributor, and we will learn from the members and the project.

  7. Breathe, take a moment, realize what I have, and that maybe what’s irritating me isn’t such a big deal after all. :-)

  8. I always find that gratitude works well. :)

  9. How many times have I unfairly taken out my irritation on my husband? More than I can count. Somehow, he’s weathered it all. I’m trying to be better, take a deep breath, go outside and admire the day or evening. I have to admit, though, that traffic can really push my buttons. Good I don’t live in LA!

  10. Often I take out the irritation on myself and turn the anger inward – by being self destructive as in overeating … but it also happens that I project it onto my husband … though I realise this only on reflection. I guess our irritations need some sort of expression and it’s worthwhile getting to the source of them so that the triggers can be recognised – and that we see our own role in them …

    Thank you for this thoughtful post Silvia ..

  11. When external forces are hampering me, I try to repeat to myself, “It’s how you react.” Sometimes it helps. Sometimes not so much. I also think of something one of my cousins told his kids: pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game.

  12. First I’d like to say, Everyone is invited to our Effectively Human Community. It’s a public Google + community, so I hope as many people as possible join us and work together helping each other and the world around us be a better place. I just needed to get the group started and up and running first, so please don’t be shy and do come and join us there!

    Second, this post speaks volumes and will be shared in our community. The honesty in the comments (I had a similar discussion with my diabetic husband a few years back…) Carrying one’s pain in one’s own health is another thing I can relate too. Stress can cause a lot of health issues if we aren’t careful. It can also irritate health problems we already have.

    Third, it was such a hectic and unpredictable day today. I didn’t lose it, but it’s pretty late on a Friday night, and I’m only now just making my blogging rounds. It was late afternoon when I posted two blog posts I’d been trying to post all day, and hoped to have done early this morning. Life has a way of doing that, and friends like Silvia have a way of taking the sting out of it when they do. All in all, it was a good day, just not expected or planned anywhere close to what I thought it would be.

    Thank you, Silvia! You made my day and made me smile really big when I read this. I’ll go post in our EH community now. This discussion is one that certainly deserves much more attention!

  13. Sanderella's Crochet

    I don’t let external forces get to me because they are all around us in one form or another and if I let every little thing set me off I would always be in a dither! Lol.

    I have a huge responsibility in my personal life, and I never know what is coming my way with it, so I am prepared to deal with it with love and kindness, all you can do.

    I like depending on just me so I don’t have anyone to blame for anything at all that may not be just perfect in any given day. Something I forgot at the store, etc.

    One thing I wish I had done and never did was listen to my dad….save your money! Lol!! But outside of that….

  14. Silvia, I really enjoy reading your blogs and at the same I am learning from you. About this blog, I am completely agree with you and let me add something, just to share with you and everyone. I think we are in this earth to learn of different situations or issues in our lives….just, we have to be alert about that….every day, we have the wonderful opportunity to learn something, that contribute to improve our lives….nothing…I think…nothing is
    coincidence or casual…as, now, at the moment, I am learning from your blogs…thank you for sharing them.

  15. Reblogged this on Ned Hamson Second Line View of the News and commented:
    Two methods help me – reminding that stuff just happens sometimes and has nothing to do with me – reminding myself that regardless of what just happened or not will have no impact on the sun rising tomorrow morning. If those don’t work a big AAAAARRRRRGH! helps.

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